My feet hurt. Today I was an extra in this instructional video that my company is shooting for people new to political office. It was really cheesy and stupid - I was supposed to be an enthusiastic supporter of this politician, waving signs and jumping up and down. In heels. For hours. I have a whole new respect for actors. They don't just do one take and then move to the next scene. No, they shoot the same scene a billion times and I guess use the one that comes out best. But I did get to be out of the office from about 9:30 to 2 and they fed us Subway, so that was cool.
My coworker and I are supposed to go to a casting call for extras tomorrow, for the remake of The Alamo that they're going to be partly shooting here. I think Ethan Hawke is going to be in it. That ought to be something, Ethan Hawke as Davy Crockett or Sam Houston or whoever else was there. But anyway, I don't know if we're going to go. I'm guessing a lot of people will be there and that it won't be a whole lot of fun. But if we got picked, that would be neat. To tell my grandkids that yes, I was in the suck-ass remake of The Alamo way back in 2003.
Last night the same coworker and I did yoga at the gym. Doing yoga in a busy health club is not the same as going to a yoga center. For one thing, we're in this room that looks and feels like a basketball court without the goals. No candles or incense or anything moody like that. And for another thing, you can hear the raucous health-club music that is playing in the rest of the gym. It's hard to concentrate on your downward dog when you can hear "A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson over the sitar music that your instructor put on.
We had a good teacher, though. He was a pretty effeminate (but freakishly limber) guy that would walk around the room and pull your hips into place or straighten your shoulders if you were doing a position wrong. Which was kind of weird. And we didn't do the shoulder stand, which was good because I've heard that you're not supposed to do that when it's your time of the month. Tonight I will probably do the regular old treadmill-and-weights routine though. I don't feel like I got a workout, really, last night.
Just finished eating ... I've been thinking about blogging in general and I have an ethical dilemma that I'd like some input on.
When I was still living in Alabama, I happened upon an online journal that was authored by a girl who worked for a rival publication in town. She was the editor of a weekly newspaper and she and I wrote about the same stuff, so she was a direct competitor. I might also mention that I found this journal totally by accident. I was on the blogger.com Web site and hers was linked under the "recently updated blogs" column. She didn't mention any last names in the journal but I knew it was hers because I knew the first names of her coworkers, fiance, etc. So I began reading it, like, all the time. I went there several times a day at work to see if she had posted something new. It was deeply personal stuff too - she was severely depressed, hated her job, her bosses were mean. I found out some pretty negative facts about her newspaper (such as the fact that employees' paychecks were bouncing), but I never used any of that information to write a story or get ahead somehow. I was just nosy.
Well, after a while she got suspicious that someone from my paper was reading her journal. She has a tracking device through Sitemeter.com that records the IP addresses of all her visitors, and yep, my paper's parent company showed up a bazillion times. So she posted something asking whoever it was to come forward, or she would close the journal. So - and here is where I went wrong - I posted a comment saying that I was a reporter from a paper in Louisiana, also owned by the same parent company. She seemed to buy it, but then one day the journal had been taken down. The page was still there, but nothing on it.
Eventually, she resigned her post, because her bosses were doing some highly unethical stuff and she couldn't take it anymore. Soon after, I made the decision to come here. I sent her an e-mail wishing her luck before I left, and she replied, asking if it was me that had read her journal. I told her no.
So my questions are:
Should I have continued to read her journal after I realized that it was hers? My boyfriend says no, but I say as long as it's on the Internet for all to see then it's okay.
Should I have lied to her about reading it? Normally I would have fessed up, but I figure what I do on the Internet is my business.
Good morning! I'm over my anger at the jerk I interviewed yesterday (see last entry) and I'm ready to start a new day at work. I actually have a lot of stuff to do now, and it all lands on me at once. When we finish the magazine, I do the employee newsletter and just kind of putter around till my boss comes in and assigns me stories for the next issue. All of a sudden, I've got fifty billion things to do. But that's the way it goes.
Last night I went straight to the gym from work and did 40 minutes of cardio and about 10 minutes of upper-body training. I'm liking this system where I work out right after work. A girl in my office has been singing the praises of this method forever, but I always insisted on going home, sleeping for an hour and then getting up and going. But this way it's much less dragged out. And I can usually get there before the 5 p.m. rush so that's nice. And I don't miss Friends (reruns or new).
Tonight I am supposed to go do yoga with my coworker downtown. But I so don't feel like it. I don't have yoga pants or a sticky mat or any of that stuff that yoga people are supposed to have. I brought shorts and a t-shirt in my gym bag. Plus I'm never satisfied with the workout I get. I feel that if I'm not sweating, then I'm not working out. I know that's not true but it makes me feel better all the same.
I just got back from interviewing this guy for a story I'm doing. He was a total jerk. I'm finding that I run into a lot more jerks these days than when I was a newspaper reporter. Maybe it's because they know that only a few thousand people will be reading this magazine, whereas at the paper I could have something very unflattering about them in print within 12 hours, and distributed all over the city. Newspapers carry a lot more weight, apparently.
Anyway I'm kinda pissed about that so I'm leaving work early...I didn't take my lunch break so I've decided that I'm taking it now. The hours are the best thing about this position.
So I went and voted yesterday. I fulfilled my civic duty and all that crap. Now I'm kind of bitter since the Republicans won, like, every major office in the United States. Liddy Dole won in NC, Mondale got defeated in MN and here in Texas, we have that Dubya crony Rick Perry for another term. Blah. I can't believe the conservative sentiment that is gaining strength here in America. No, we don't want to take care of America's less fortunate and try to do some progressive stuff for once! they seem to be saying. Goddamnit, as long as they can cut our taxes and put more money in MY pocket, then I'm voting Republican! What a crock. This is the reason America has the problems it does. But anyway.
Last night I did enchiladas for Mark and myself. They were these really big ones, too, like the kind you get at Chipotle, but without fancy stuff like guacamole. I ate one, though I had 2 coming to me. And you know what? I didn't starve. I'm beginning to think that I can survive - healthily - without pigging out. Yay.
I also went to the gym right after voting and did 35 minutes of cardio and some leg work on the machines. I really need to concentrate more on muscles. Today I'm supposed to do my upper body and back so if the machines aren't in high demand I definitely will. I'm thinking of getting some hand weights to use at home. I know that's ridiculous since I have a gym membership, but sometimes I just don't feel like standing there with all the muscleheads waiting to use the tricep machine and have to listen to them brag on themselves. I'm not looking to "get big," I just want some muscle tone.
I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving. That means I have a lot of shit to do here at work for the magazine. And then it's Christmas, which means I need to get cracking on shopping before the malls become overrun. I swear, this year I should just do the Internet thing. It would be tons easier. (I say this every year, and invariably on Dec.22 I'm there at the mall, fighting over a Sun-Ripened Raspberry gift set with some bitch at Bath & Body Works.)
I solved the commenting problem - at least for now - by getting a Haloscan account. That's why you see two places to comment below each entry. The one on the right is Haloscan, the one on the left is the old Enetation account. Use either one, and I'll see which one fares better.
If anyone knows how I can get a YACCS account, please let me know. They never seem to be accepting new users.
Enetation sucks. So bad that I'm not going to even link them anymore. Lately the comments app has been appearing and disappearing from my site without warning. And whenever it disappears it erases all the comments. So if you want to make sure your comment gets read by me or anyone else, go to the bottom of the page and sign my guestbook (marked by a "Dreambook" logo).
One may wonder, as they're leafing through the entries on my site, "Why doesn't she ever talk about her weight? And why isn't she losing any pounds for god's sake? Is this really a diet journal or just a place for some strange woman to obsess over her weight?"
Well, I'll tell you. I've been conveniently ignoring the issue up until now, but I guess now is as good a time as ever. I have decided, for the time being, that I am NOT going to be imposing strict dietary restrictions on myself in order to lose weight. I know this would be the fastest way to peel the pounds off and get busy trying to look like Tara Reid, but I don't feel up to limiting myself to a small number of calories or counting fat grams. There's too much going on in my life right now, and coming home after a hard day's work to a measly plate of Weight Watchers frozen pasta would not help things.
So I'm going to do it through exercise and gradual lifestyle changes. I'm going to put more effort into trying to be healthy instead of skinny. And I have been doing that. I exercise anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour six days a week, and when I eat these days I don't automatically go for bready things with cheese and meat and stuff anymore. I've found myself looking for ways to add vegetables and fruit to my diet. Whenever I sit down to a meal these days I try to have at least one thing on my plate that isn't processed and that came from some sort of plant.
And over these past few weeks, I've seen the changes. I have more energy. I feel healthier (never mind this weekend's miserable stomach episode). My skin looks better. I feel much better than the 145-pound me that was scared as hell going into Gold's Gym for the first time since July.
All this is not to say that I haven't lost weight. I actually have. The scale in the ladies' locker room at the gym - I don't keep one in my house - has gone from saying 140 to 130. A 10-pound loss in 3 months. Some would say that's too slow to be encouraging. But I really don't have that much weight to lose, anyway, and it's not like I'm getting married in a few months or have some other similar goal to work toward. And the decreasing numbers on the scale are reflected in my body. I don't have as many angry red stretch marks on my outer thighs. My stomach is pretty much flat; it's definitely lost a roll or two. The size-10 Ann Taylor jeans that I couldn't wear two months ago fit easily now - without me pulling on them to loosen them up.
So I will be changing the number in the "current weight" column over there to the left. Part of the reason I didn't do it as I was going down was because I was afraid it wouldn't be permanent. I was scared that I would go down to 132 and then feel ashamed when I had to put it back to 134 the next week. But this 130 seems pretty stable. It's been this way for the past week and a half, and I guess it's going to stay that way, unless I have a major pig-out or something. But you know what? I can have a major pig-out. It's allowed, since I'm not limited to a set number of calories each day. Dammit, if I'm on the rag one day and I want to have a couple of bowls of ice cream, I don't want to feel guilty afterward.
So that's my piece. The Manifesto of the Girl Who Loves Food.
I just figured something out. Lately I've been eating in the office during my lunch breaks - bringing a Lean Cuisine or a sandwich instead of buying $7 wraps from Whole Foods. I did a little calculating in my head: If I forgo my $7-per-lunch, twice-a-week routine FOR GOOD, then I'll save $728 over the course of a year. Scary to think I could waste that much on lunches within the space of 12 months. Fun to think about what I could buy with that $728 instead of food. New clothes? Pay off a good chunk of debt? Wow...and imagine how much money could be saved by someone who goes out for lunch more often than twice a week.
I loved the lunch situation at my old job, back in Alabama. I lived about 7 minutes from the office, so when I didn't feel like going out for lunch I went home and watched TV while eating. It was great - I got the satisfaction of getting out of the office, but I didn't spend any money. Here it's not quite that way. Yeah, I could drive home, it's about 15-20 minutes. But if I really wanted to be back within an hour, then I'd only have like 20 minutes at home before I had to leave. Most of my time would be spent on the road. So I've taken to heating something up and sitting at the conference table while reading a novel. It's A Widow for One Year, by John Irving. But I'm not into it. I get the feeling I'm reading some kind of Harlequin novel, and those don't interest me in the least. Give me David Sedaris any day.
Thanks, Lori, for inspiring me to ponder the ins and outs of lunch.
Wah. I went to the dentist for a checkup and cleaning today. You know, just to make sure everything's okay. Well - I have a CAVITY! Or the beginnings of one, apparently. My dentist told me while it wasn't a bona fide hole yet, it would be within some months, so it's better just to get it filled now, before it becomes a very long and painful process.They will have to numb me, but it'll take less than an hour (30 minutes, to be exact) and that will be it.
So I made an appointment to do it. A week from tomorrow. They did have an opening for this Wednesday, but I told them to make it next week. I need to psych myself up for it. I haven't had a cavity filled since I was a kid. It's ridiculous, really, this fear of getting a measly little non-cavity filled. After all, a few years ago I did let an oral surgeon knock me out, numb me up and cut out four wisdom teeth with a knife. If I can do that, I can do anything.
It's even more ridiculous to complain when you consider that I have dental insurance. It's not like I'm gonna be plunking down a few hundred to get this thing done. No, a $20 copay is all I'm gonna be sacrificing. So many people in this country don't have insurance - dental or otherwise - and they would kill to get their teeth done for $20. I'm such a crybaby.
I don't know how these people without insurance don't live every day of their life in fear. I would be so scared to even leave my house, for fear that I'd get hit by a car or break my ankle and have to pay exorbitant amounts to get medical care.
But anyway...oh yes, the diet. I'm proud to report that when Mark and I went to the Olive Garden last night, we did NOT pig out. I had 2 bowls of salad and 2 breadsticks and by the time our entrees came (mine was Chicken Vino Bianco) I ate like a few bites and then boxed up the rest. I was stuffed. Now I get to eat it for lunch today. Mark did the same thing with his meal (which was the new Mixed Grill, with sausage, chicken, veggies and potatoes; try it, it's GOOD).
I am one starving girl right now. I only ate one granola bar this morning. I normally have two, so I was sitting in the dentist's chair today with my tummy growling. And as soon as I got out of there all I could think was food, food, food. And eating is normally the last thing I want to do after getting my teeth cleaned.
This weekend has sucked. Because I've wasted most of it being sick here inside this damn apartment. Yep, on Friday night I began to feel not so good. By Saturday morning, it was obvious I had some kind of stomach bug. I won't go into the gory details, but today was the first real meal I've had since Friday. I've probably dropped a couple of pounds, which is OK with me, but it also means that I'm weak, and therefore can't go to the gym today as I planned.
So I will have to go Monday, with all the fanatics who want to make up for the boozing they did over the weekend. Honestly, if you go right after work you can't get a machine. I am thinking of going to another location, which is about 20 minutes out of my way, but much less crowded and much more sedate.
Name: Jen Location: DFW, TX Occupation: Journalist WHY this stupid blog?: To lose the 20 pounds I've packed on since high school and to entertain you with stories about my fabulous life. Current Weight: 138 My Goal Weight: 115 Pounds to Go: 23
